Don't make out with my wife yet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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