Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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