just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
