Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
