I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
