let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
