after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
