I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
