Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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