it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
