I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let's get the cat blown out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
