Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
