Sry I called you an 8
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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