thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
