You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
