Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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