i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
