I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
