Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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