Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
