the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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