Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
