Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
