hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
please come you make the beer taste better
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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