OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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