Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
