Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
