I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
