I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
