I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
