I think I am morally bankrupt
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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