So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
