she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
