I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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