I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
