dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
