I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
