I don't remember. Are we still dating?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
