He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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