I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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