Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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