Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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