so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
