all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
