In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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