worst night to have a conscience
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
