Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
