Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
