I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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