im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
