How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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