I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
