3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
